Haven’t done one of these in a long time.   From Blog Azeroth, Cymre asks –

If Blizzard added your main as an NPC in WoW, where would they be located and what would be their function?

At level fifteen, characters unlock the ability to enter dungeons.  At that point, upon their next visit to their Class Trainer they would receive a quest that would send them to Orgrimmar or Stormwind to seek out “Merc the Patient” (or Awesome, or Modest… y’know, whatever Blizz felt was appropriate).  There, they would encounter the big shadowy Canuck known as Mercules.

He’ll break a hoof off in your ass.

You know he’s not to be messed with because he’s a space goat that has lopped off his chin squid.  Also, for Horde-side you find him in Garrosh’s throneroom.  Therefore, you know he’s either a) incredibly badass, or b) insane/suicidal.  Maybe a little of both.

The quest he would give characters involves learning group functions.  The character would have to escort Merc out into the World to invade a nearby encampment of epic elemental badness.  It would be phased, allowing only the character and Merc to enter.  The character would initially set the role Merc would play – Tank or DPS.

Pick your poison.

They would then get a quick tutorial on using the /assist function, selecting a party member to Focus, and how to watch their aggro by the percentage on their UI icon.  If Merc was set as DPS and the character was a Tank class, they would be instructed to watch the aggro of the other members in the group and how to get aggro back on them.  After a couple of pulls where Merc had eaten multi-mob beatings, the big fella would pull them aside and discuss the fine (and lost) art of Crowd Control.  Basic things that players would need to know when they set foot into an instanced dungeon for the first time.  Gives them the learning curve without having to deal with the charming and helpful people often found in Pugs.

Once the quest was completed, the character would receive a unique weapon or shoulder item that would identify them as someone who knows what the Hell they’re doing.  Or, at the very least, they’d been smartened up as far as playing with others.  You don’t gotta be social.  Just don’t be a detriment.

And as a final parting gift, they would be given a “buff” with a one hour duration.  At random moments, with no warning at all, the character would spit out a /silly.

Remember – it’s just a game folks.  Have fun with it.

Internet. Serious Business.