Odingreen is way too sexy for jousting.

There was exactly zero point zero hesitation when everyone’s favorite supervillain-looking mage, Odingreen, finally dinged 68. I say “finally” as if it took a long time. It didn’t, really. But as soon as Odingreen hit 68, he ported to Stormwind, put on a parka, tore the sleeves off, got on a boat,  and headed straight to Northrend. With all the snow, trees, mountains, and snow, it was like taking a ship to Canada only with fewer Tim Hortons coffee shops and fewer apologies.

Not that his time in Outland was terrible or anything. To be fair, he really wasn’t there long enough to form an opinion. He landed in Hellfire Peninsula, with its red sky, red dirt, and red pigs. So it was probably less depressing to spend more time in dungeons, which he did on the regular. Most of his Burning Crusade leveling was through dungeons, and according to Recount OG kept finding himself right in the middle of the road as far as the damage he was doing. He was never kicked from a group for having what some might consider sub-par damage, so he must’ve done a decent enough job. Then again, when the rest of the group is doing double your DPS, they’re killing things too fast to notice that you’re even there.

Was it frustrating? Kinda, but really as long as the XP kept flowing at a constant rate, then his damage output and reasons for lack thereof, was secondary. Besides, sometimes you need to bang out a few pushups between pulls. Always finish your set, regardless of how many mobs get pulled. They’ll be there when you’re done, or they won’t. But that pump is totes worth it. #ProTip

Arnold Schwarzenegger also knows a thing or two about pumping. Ask his housekeeper.

Poor Zygor got a workout during this whole ordeal as well. He had to constantly update his questing path becauses Odingreen was tearing through the the alien world faster than, well, something really fast. He’d get a handful of quests done, run a dungeon or two, then move on to a new zone because he was already bored (and had outleveled the zone).  In fact, he’d just gotten the quest that took him into Blade’s Edge Mountains when he dinged 68. He blew by Nagrand entirely.  Never looked at Shadowmoon Valley. Missed many ugly zones, and not so ugly. He got a good tan though, so that’s something.

It was much the same thing when Odingreen hopped off the boat in Howling Fjord. Quests were done between dungeons, and zones were skipped. He did some business in Howling Fjord, had a cup of coffee in Dragonblight, then got a flier in the mail that told him the Argent Tournament was the cat’s pyjamas and he should go there ASAP.

He flexed at the mailbox. “A tournament?” he asked. “Too easy, baby. I’m the guy who brings guns to a joust fight.”

The mailbox said nothing, being a mailbox and all.

But Odingreen wasn’t dissuaded by silence from non-sentient beings. He kissed the peak of his bicep. “Lich King better start sweating! Odingreen’s a-comin’!”

Clearly the mage was stoked. He also had some leveling tips so I thought I’d add them there.

Odingreen’s Power Pro Leveling Tips

1. Don’t run Recount. “I know it’s tempting to see what kind of damage you’re doing in dungeons. But shut that shit off. Recount is an end-game addon to show where you are in the raid’s pecking order. Gear, level, there’s plenty of things that are gonna make a big difference in digits. And if you do run it, don’t link it in group. Bragging about your Recount numbers while you’re leveling doesn’t mean you’ve got a big dick. It means you ARE a big dick.”
2. Use a leveling addon. “There’s free ones out there. But I’m leet, so I use Zygor’s Leveling Guide. It’s got a bunch of other built-in functions, like auto-equipping upgrades as you get them. If you’re the kind of person who likes reading quest text, or enjoys wandering around picking flowers while you’re killing twenty of something for their ears or teeth or whatever, more power to ya. But it’s like when I go to the gym – I’m not getting paid by the hour. I’m there to do work and get going. Wasting time is stupid.”
3. Elixir of the Rapid Mind. “This tonic is like Viagra for your XP – it makes you uber buff for fifteen minutes. So if you’re going to take one of these, you probably want to do it when you’re in a dungeon that has a few quests in it, and a few bosses. It’s also nice to have some quests finished outside the dungeon before you drink it. Basically you want to pop this before you hand in quests. Don’t use this for grinding – that’s what spit is for.”
4. Get flying ASAP. “I don’t give a swollen turd what anyone says – flying is the best. You get places faster, you don’t have to deal with zombies or crabs or whatever is between you and your quest reward. If you want to pick flowers, stay on your pony. I’ll mount up on my dragon and fly, and look damn good doing it,  thank you very much.”
5. Know your role. “Whether you’re using macros or facerolling, have an idea what your spells, talents and abilities do. Got a group buff? Know that shit at least so you don’t look like some kind of fool when you’re asked for it. Check out Wowhead or Icy Veins if you’re not sure. People will tolerate shitty damage, but if you don’t know your buffs, you can get bounced from a group. The moral of the story is that buff is good. I’m buff, I’m the stuff, and I’m flexing right now to show my appreciation for your attention. You can’t see it of course, but imagine it. There. Now’s it’s a gift for both of us.”

You’re welcome, Internet.

Charming. The road to Archie-Mode continues.

Happy #FlexFriday