By this point, I had become adept at killing much like a baby is adept at filling its diapers with green horror-paste. Between the guidance of Icy Veins and my own Death Knightly skillzone, possessing Clockem was inevitable.  All I had to do was get through one last rank of opposition.  That’s all.

But Clockem watched me from the vendor shelf and decided he didn’t want to be my new Fight Friend.  Maybe there was something in my Death Knight’s style that he felt made me unworthy to possess him.  Maybe he saw the madness that possessed my Death Knight when he fought and thought that fighting for a crazy person was no way to go through life, even when that life existed only to fight for crazy people.

Clockem had the industrious notion to make sure he was protected from being Pokemon-napped by executing his own agenda, and that was Operation: Rank Three Will Kick You In The Dick.  This even applies if the one being kicked has no dick to speak of, which reflects the impressive aggression of the plan.

My thought was this:  Bitch, you have spiked boxing gloves on the ends of your life-stealing arms.  You are going to use those gloves to beat rabbits and frogs into bloody pulps, and you will do so for my general amusement.  I will step on the necks of every Rank Three opponent, throw a fistful of coins at the vendor, and Clockem will begin to dine on a full diet of violence and blood.

Rank Three

Blat – Slime.  Unpleasant.  Nasty. Hose yourself off after this fight.  Death Knight feedback:

• When it starts, immediately popped  Pillar of Frost and  Army of the Dead, and threw DoTs. Continued to backpedal and hit with  Obliterate /  Frost Strike. When he stopped, I’d spam  Howling Blast on him until he caught up, then continue with  Obliterate and  Frost Strike. Managed to kill him with about 30 seconds to spare.

Sanoriak – This flaming lizard will light you up in short order if you’re not paying attention.  This is a fight about interrupts, movement, and beating this thing down.

Ixx – Theoretically, this bug should be a breeze.  Theoretically, Lindsay Lohan should be in prison until she’s two hundred.

• Use  Lichborne as your tier 2 talent, since it is the only talent in this tier that will provide you some actual usage during the fight against Ixx. Simply treat Lichborne as a self-healing cooldown, which can be used to extend your survival in the arena by a few seconds.  U
  • se  Death Pact as your tier 4 talent, because the fight against Ixx is short enough that you can make full use of the heal; your ghoul will still be alive when you need the healing from Death Pact. 

  The fight against Ixx is made considerably easier if you use the full combination of offensive cooldowns at the start. Frost Death Knights should use  Army of the Dead,  Raise Dead,  Pillar of Frost, as well as making use of  Empower Rune Weapon to gain an excellent amount of burst DPS.  Unholy Death Knights should use  Army of the Dead,  Unholy Frenzy, as well as making use of  Empower Rune Weapon.To defeat Ixx, simply use all your offensive cooldowns at the start of the fight and DPS the boss while standing still. There is no damage that you can mitigate through  Anti-Magic Shell in this fight. You can use  Icebound Fortitude to reduce the damage you take from melee attacks.

Mazhareen – Another fight that looks simple on paper.  She’s another hockey fight, just straight-up melee.  However, her damage ramps up as he health decreases so skip the foreplay and get right down to business.

There you have it.  If you’ve made it this far, you are now a Rank Four member of the Brawler’s Guild.  Clockem can’t hide any longer.  Come forth, minion, and be counted in the pet stable!

Great. Just great.